The one without a title!
I overslept slightly this morning. I mean oversleeping in Lockdown isn't really the biggest deal - unless you miss a meeting. ha. So for me, I suppose, my body wasn't done sleeping. I started my run a bit later than I had planned and today's run took way more mental motivation than physical. I was having one of those conversations with myself: "I am tired, just walk" - also me: "come on - just keep going - we are not that far from home". SO I either just admitted that I am downright crazy OR relatively normal (you will have to comment and let me know!).
The thing with the loop I run, is that on the last few hundred meters I almost run past my house, around and back down. So I get a glimpse of it. Today, in all honesty, I just wanted to miss the last loop and go straight home and that is when I heard a little God whisper. "The last part of the run is always the hardest.". Joooooh. Okay God, I hear you. And how true. The last hurdle is sometimes the one that we train for more than anything. The last couple of hundred meters are my worst but I know that at the end I get to go home, shower and have my morning cup of Dip n Brew (thanks Kev - changed my life!). I keep my head down, focus, and run that last bit with everything I have.
I began to think about it and so often when I run I actually try to keep my head down. To keep from looking how much further I have, probably a mental thing for me, so I rather just watch my feet take one step at a time. Now I know this is not necessarily profound. But I was reminded again, that THAT is faith. Just taking one step at a time, in obedience. And you know - God is always speaking - I often ask myself though: Am I listening? What has He said before?
So in light of Lockdown, I realised that I sometimes just want to cut the last part and go straight home. To friends and family and hugs (mostly air hugs okaaaaay). I can almost see it like I can see my house on my run and yet there is still a loop or two or three - who knows. But like the incredible people in my community constantly remind me: God is faithful and He is kind.
Last Wednesday I embarked on my morning run only to find a sticky note on my car - "Good Morning Tenant, Someone has paid your rent for June! Have a great day! G and A". I literally stood for about 5 minutes going - sorry whaaaaaaaaat? I walked into their kitchen and I just couldn't believe it. Needless to say - that run became a walk where I pretty much sobbed the entire way. I think people were walking past me confused! haha! My mask was wet - but again, I am a cryer and now just embracing it #noshame! But I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I hadn't asked for it, I wasn't freaking out per say and yet God did it. He surprised me. I was speechless.
I haven't felt like the best individual the last two weeks - my headspace has been clouded and distracted and I have felt my anxiety swell up. It's been hard to stay hopeful - as I mentioned in my last post. All I keep declaring is that God is faithful - He provides and every word He has spoken still stands. I remind myself of that and often remind God too - this is what YOU said. So let it be! It reminds me that again - God doesn't love us according to how much we "deserve" it or how outstanding our "performance" is. But rather that He meets us where we are, as we are. The anxious, sensitive girl who cries and aches to be around her people.
I love Psalm 34:4 (The MSG) - "God met me MORE than halfway. He freed me from my anxious fears" - it is one of the verses I have written out and put next to my bed. So I see it when I wake up and when I go to sleep. Friend, God will meet you than halfway! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other - don't focus on the outcome - but rather on the journey. The stories that come out of Lockdown are going to be once in a lifetime stories! Look at what's in your hand and be faithful with that - not what is in someone else's - but rather what God has given you! Because only YOU can do that!
So here is a question I am going to leave you with: "if lockdown lifted now, completely - what would really change?"