I'll have what she's having!
Yes, this is a famous quote from When Harry Met Sally and while I haven't actually seen the movie, seeing this quote sparked something in me. I have been struggling to find something to write about. Words are definitely my love language - affirmation is important to me and writing helps me to process and unpack things on paper. But the funnest part of writing for me - is when inspiration hits and almost tugs your words in a certain direction and then it's time to WRITE!
Anywho, that quote came up while playing a game, via zoom, at a bridal shower and I didn't think much of it. We got the question wrong, shocker, but later on it popped up again in my head. "I'll have what she is having"...
I am not sure about you, but at times it's difficult to not peer over my shoulder or down the street and see what someone else is "having". Especially in the last few weeks. I think because a lot of what I have seen of others has been online - social media is a way of staying connected to people in these times but also a dark hole that you can get lost in - alas, I digress! I don't know why - but sometimes I get so sidetracked by what God is doing in someone else's life that I miss what He is busy doing in mine! Anyone else?
Theodore Roosevelt said this: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I realised that as I look at other people, what God is doing, what blessings they have, I immediately recognise that resentment creeps into my heart. Slowly - but surely. I begin to resent God for not hearing my prayers or seeing the breakthroughs in my own life and those around me. Especially where we are faithfully praying and trusting. How selfish, I know. The more I compare - the more I begin to see a lack in my own life and abundance in others. Gratitude and joy seem to be the first thing to disappear. And the insecurities seem to become more and more pronounced. It's as if comparison breeds insecurity - I think someone said that but I just can't remember who. And so the insecurities flair up one by one - I just don't feel like I am worth it. And whats worse - is a level of entitlement creeps in, where at times I find myself going: "it's not fair!" I have this wrestle that is rooted in pride and entitlement. And this idea that life is meant to be fair, when really, it is not and was never promised to be. I get lost in my Martha mindset - I am doing and God is not noticing or caring - ha! - Oh Martha Martha!
But, a little while into lockdown I felt like God wanted me to read 1 Corinthians 13. And I was immediately like: "really God, the love chapter? The cliché wedding verse? For reaaaaals." I began to read it anyway because I knew if God was pressing something on my heart - there was some revelation in it that I needed. It was one of those chapters that I felt like I needed to keep reading over and over and still am. I have chapters and verses like that - where I feel a need to keep repeating and reading them until God nudges me to move on. And so there I was. I read it in different translations and versions. But The Passion Translation hit like no other - with the title: Love, the Motivation of Our Lives
Already - I began to ask myself whether love was the motivation of my life? And I began to delve deeper into that famous of all famous quotes (1Corinthians 13:4-8) :
4 Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. 5 Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. 6 Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. 7 Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up. 8 Love never stops loving.
As I began to read it I started to see a God of love and immediately felt like a failure. Man - I definitely failed here - "It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else." Jealously causes resentment for someone like me. I think that God only has enough to do it for someone else. I can believe it for someone else. But my mindset needs a shift - it's miscalculated and sometimes causes me to miss the significance of the season I am in.
And so I challenged myself to try and let love be my motivation. And I failed, and still do. But I then I remembered something Craig Clark said one Sunday morning in church - he spoke about training and not trying. You see, some days I go for a run and it's easy and others I want to stop after a short while - and sometimes I do - and I just end up walking. But then I remember that this is training - one step at a time, one foot in front of the other - NOT looking at other people running around me but focusing on my run (just a disclaimer I do run slowly haha).
As I read verse 6 - I saw the words joyfully celebrates and I felt like there was something in that. As we celebrate, joyfully what God is busy doing - it puts courage in our hearts for what we are still trusting him to do in our lives and those around us. When we celebrate without comparison we begin to see God for who He is - and not our idea of him. So while, some days, I would still like to have what she's having. I am trying to train myself to embrace and celebrate what I have the privilege of having on my plate and in my hands. Gratitude is a choice and so is love. One of my favourite parts of the above chapter is this: Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up. It never gives up! God never gives up on us either! Failure is not defeat and in all honesty, as we fail, we continue to learn.
So, here's to joyfully celebrating the failures and trials and to embracing the training that lies ahead. Where love is the motivation and expression of our lives and where we find courage and significance in the seasons that we find ourselves in!